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Bears Beat with Joe Hubeny Reporting 9/26/05 (Previous 8/29)

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Tell us how you really feel Joe... The forever loyal Bear fans were dealt another shit sandwich on Sunday after being reeled in from last weeks drubbing of the Detroit Lions. On a rainy, Miami weather like day in Soldier field, the Bengals pounded the ball to run clock, and threw it when they wanted touchdowns, leading to the easy win. The Bengals didn't have to do much to defeat the hapless Bears who had 6 turnovers in the pivotal week 3 game. After the Bears forced a Bengal 3 and out in the first series of the game, the Bears were looking poised to make a charge at the surging team we used to call the Bungals. However, Justin Gage smothered out any hope as quick as humanly possible as he let the shit run down his leg on the Bear's first offensive play. Not only did he miss the first pass of the game, he also tipped it up to the Bengal defender for the 1st of 5 Kyle Orton interceptions. However, this one was not Orton's fault, because he correctly threw the Ball to Gage's back shoulder with the defense pursuing from the other side. After the game, Gage was asked how he missed such an easy pass after catching balls his whole life, and he said, "I was still busy dreaming about the big cock I sucked yesterday night, so I lost focus on the ball." Way to set the tone, what a total fag!! On the next play, Chad Johnson caught a touchdown pass on a skinny post with a perfect strike from Carson Palmer. BRUTAL! From there on out, the Bengals controlled the entire half, daring the Bears to score.
					Rookie Kyle Orton has thrown five interceptions in week 3, it was a bad game for the up and coming Orton.

The Bears actually did have a chance to score late in the half, but Doug Brien missed a 39 yard field goal badly. What the fuck, what a Goddamn pussy, he can't kick a fucking 39 yard field goal!?!? The kick wouldn't have made it if it was a 10 yard field goal. In fact, during the punt, pass and kick at halftime, a 7 year old kid from Libertyville was able to make a 30 yard field goal. Apparently, the Bear's Jerry Angelo tried to offer him a contract on the spot so they could replace Doug Brien in the second half, but the kid said "no thanks, I don't want to play for a loser." Now lets also get this straight, Paul Edinger could not kick his way out of a paper bag, and couldn't put the ball inside the 20 on a kickoff, but at least he could make a 39 yard fucking field goal.

Kicker Doug Brien watches as his 38-yard field goal attempt misses wide left, the third miss in four attempts this season for Brien.			The Bears woes continued into the second half as the rain turned into a downpour. The Bengals pretty much shut it down, controlled the clock, and ended up winning the game 24-7. However, the score was an afterthought, because this game was over by halftime at the latest. From this game, we still know that Chad Johnson is uncoverable (thats a given!), and the Bears still suck (apparently, also a given). Ending on a high note, the Bears cannot lose next Sunday...wooohooo!! Happy bye week everyone!! Time to get ready for the Browns, let the least crappiest of the 2 teams win...